My Inner Queen of Mean

April 8, 2008 at 7:42 pm | Posted in Humor, Relationships, Whining | Leave a comment

When Real Genius was 7 or 8 years old, he made up a cute little ditty about me: “mean maya, queen of mean; meanest maya you would ever see”. My presence alone seemed to inspire this burst of creativity. Later on, I learned that there was a real “Queen of Mean”; the late Leona Helmsly earned this dubious nickname. While my inner mean girl is a lightweight in comparison, I do have one and it takes 99.9% of my willpower to keep her out of sight.

Lately, I’ve been getting some questions as to whether Bill and I are engaged. While that could be interpreted as an intrusive question, most of the people that have asked are friends/acquaintances from shul. When this happens, I am usually nice and tell them they’ll be one of the first to know when it happens. For our 3rd date, Bill and i went to a large shabbat dinner at this shul; it was me, Bill and 400 of our closest friends. So my shul friends have seen us together from the beginning. Does it get on my nerves? Sometimes it does but I remind myself that they are my friends and they sure don’t mean any harm. They want me to be happy, what’s wrong with that?

I will be home for the first few days of Passover and will be going to my parents’ shul. I will be seeing people who I have not seen in months and I know I will be asked if I am engaged/married. During 1 out of the 3 times Bill has ventured to my hometown, we had Shabbas lunch with one of the rabbis from shul.   Now, I am stressed out thinking about it and am driving myself crazy. The inner meanie is having a field day and really wants to unload. Bill has seen mean maya and he is not one of her biggest fans ; ) In order to unload some stress, I am trying to think of new, witty responses and I’ve come up with this list:

1. When gay people are allowed to get married, then I’ll get married ( I think Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie came up with that)

2. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?  (Groucho Marx).

I also found this funny page with funny answers, here are my favorites:

3. Because I just love hearing this question.

4.  Just lucky, I guess.

But my personal favorite comes from this site:

5. Why do you ask?

That is probably the meanest response out them all, it is very funny to think about responding this way in theory but something tells me it would not work out so well in real life.

I welcome any contributions to this list. I also know that the questions will never end; when you’re engaged you hear “When is the wedding?”, after the wedding you hear “When are you having kids”; when the kids are grown “Are your kids dating anyone/married?”. Unless you want to be a recluse your whole life, you will have to deal with these questions. You might as well try to have some fun with it.




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